I effed up the other day. Big time. Sunday, April 26th, was my birthday and I celebrated by drinking like a fish.
Of course, I didn’t realize I was drinking like a fish until the next morning when I woke up and thought I was dead.
I can’t adequately describe how sick I felt other than to say it lasted the entire day, until I hit the sheets at eight that night. I’m certain that I suffered some degree of alcohol poisoning.
I was barely able to tolerate drinking water, much less a cup of coffee.
Nausea accompanied by dry heaves (because once again, I hadn’t eaten enough), extreme dizziness, sweats followed by chills—I ran through the whole nasty ball of wax. And the worse part? I did it to myself.
A lifelong drinker, alcohol is in my genes. My parents were heavy drinkers. You’d think that alone would slow me down. And it has. Some. But every now and then, when I’m feeling “good,” I resort to bad habits and ultimately, end up paying the price.
This latest bout of literally poisoning myself showed me that the price is too high. To survive breast cancer only to kill myself with booze is unacceptable.
Part of the problem is the boredom and stress of this whole shitty situation we’re dealing with. I spend my days writing and taking care of the house and at night, I like to relax with a couple or five glasses of wine.
The booze puts the breaks on my ever-racing thoughts, but only for a little while. Certainly not long enough to justify the amount I can, and do, consume.
It’s amazing how quickly one can go through an entire bottle of wine. With my addictive personality, it takes no time at all.
Another issue: As I age, my body can’t metabolize booze the way it did when I was younger. And it shouldn’t. But I keep egging it on.
I read that alcohol sales are up by around 53%. That tells me that I’m not alone in my over-imbibing, but that’s precious little comfort when you’re bent over the toilet with your finger down your throat and your stomach is turning inside out.
As an active person, the fact that I spent all day yesterday in a prone position only makes me feel like more of a slug. I blew an entire day.
Am I an alcoholic? No. I don’t think so. Do I have a propensity for alcoholism? A resounding, “Hell, yes!”
Sunday, I effed up even worse because I mixed my poisons. I haven’t been drinking spirits in a while now, but my husband had bought a bottle of gin for himself and of course, I had to have some.
That wouldn’t have been so terrible if I hadn’t washed down the gin with copious amounts of wine. My husband had no idea how much I’d drank because I snuck “extra.”
I’m getting sick just thinking about it.
Why am I telling you this? Because that’s part of who I am and I promised myself when I started this newsletter, that I’d be honest about my life. Also, I want you to learn from my stupidity.
Guys, if you drink alcohol, take it easy. It’s way too seductive during these dark days and I don’t want you to suffer the way I did. It’s just too easy to spiral out of control.
I’m pretty sure I learned my lesson. I don’t ever want to feel like that, again. And I won’t. I can’t.
Thank you for reading. I’ve linked to a couple of stories that I hope you’ll enjoy.
The Night My Dad Caught Me With the “Old Guy”
Hold on to Your Clorox
Take care.
Sherry
Happy Belated Birthday! I know how you feel. I'm sure you swore off the booze, but I'm just as sure you'll be back on it in no time, like the rest of us. Don't punish yourself for being human.
First, happy birthday! I didn't know. Second, thank you for being honest. It's funny when we have moments like these and promise ourselves that we will never do it again, only to do it again.
I personally don't drink at all unless I'm on vacation. I have my reasons. Addiction and substance abuse have destroyed my family so I chose to take a stand against it.
Glad you're feeling better and hope you're able to make better choices next birthday lol.